


1. 2. 3.

by all-or-nothing-baby (BundleOfSoy)



Series: Oh, God Yes [2]
Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: (or so Sherlock thinks), Light Angst, M/M, POV Sherlock Holmes, Poor Sherlock Holmes, Sherlock Being Sherlock, Sherlock Holmes Has Low Self-Esteem, Sherlock Holmes Loves John Watson, Sherlock in Love, Silly Sherlock Holmes, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-22
Updated: 2020-01-22
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:01:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22354555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BundleOfSoy/pseuds/all-or-nothing-baby
Summary: Sherlock is in love with his best friend. He tells him all the time... after making sure John isn't actually listening, of course.
Relationships: Sherlock Holmes/John Watson
Series: Oh, God Yes [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1430857
Comments: 10
Kudos: 52





	1. 2. 3.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [HoneyImGood](https://archiveofourown.org/users/HoneyImGood/gifts).



> Written as a sort of sister piece to my John POV drabble, "Cognizance".

He does almost whatever I ask of him, John. Nobody could ever say,  _ "the man is disloyal" _ and be believed. No.

And behind his unwavering compliance is always one of  _ three _ reasons.

The first: He is compelled to. The thrill of the chase,  _ The Game _ , runs as rife in his veins as it does in my own (which is  _ one hundred  _ times more potent than any drug combination I could expertly concoct and use to chase the proverbial dragon). The bond which this dual desire for me to  _ win _ and for him to  _ help others _ has created? Undeniable and inescapable. He simply  _ cannot _ walk away now.

The second: Is the fact that he pities me. No other  _ friends _ , you see. And he actually sees the fact as a weakness! The idiot doesn't realise  _ he _ is all I will ever require.

The third: The third is (and I admittedly — _ embarrassingly _ — can only suspect) that he... cares. About me. On some level, I assume. But I don't — _ can't _ — know for sure. And  _ ugh _ , I absolutely  _ despise _ not knowing.

Oh, and just to clarify, when I say he does  _ almost _ whatever I ask of him, it is because whenever I implore him to stay, he stays  _ only _ for reasons one through three.

_ Not because he wants to run his healing fingers through my curls or trace a thumb pad down the bow of my lips like I sometimes ask him to when he's fallen asleep in his chair. No, it's only because he's exhausted… _

_ Or when I'm restless and the, frankly, ridiculous patches aren't enough, when I can't sleep and sit silently on the end of his bed, watching his chest rise and fall, and ask _ — _ no, implore _ — _ him to, "Please, John, never leave me." No, it's only because it is deep in the bowels of the night when others are dreaming only unconsciously… _

_ Or when I tell him that I want him, that I need him, when he's about to leave for another predictable date, those times I ask him not to go, and he denies me with a resolute, "No, Sherlock", unquestionably presuming I require him for a case, when actually my only want is for him to be mine, be my lover, even though the thought completely terrifies me; my only need being for him to love me the way in which I love him _ — _ unconditionally and absolutely _ — _ even though he believes me to be ill-equipped to manage such a human feat. No, it's only because, although he craves the company of somebody other than me, he knows how unbearable my behaviour will be upon his return if he does leave me, therefore only gets halfway down the staircase before stomping back up to the flat... _

He doesn't stay for any of these reasons which I keep hidden from him, too cowardly and pathetic to admit to; too utterly fearful of rejection. No, it's only  _ ever _ because of one of those  _ offensive _ and  _ hateful _ little numbers that I wish my wretched eyes never had to look upon again:

1.

2.

3.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Come find me @all-or-nothing-baby on Dumblr...
> 
> Lucy : )


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